Sardines

12 posts... 6... 1... March, April, May. I managed to update this one time last month! Determined to do this more often. This first one is a half cheat copied from some other post, but it counts.

More of the same house woes of course...

I'm moving at the end of August. I'm only renting but it was still 'our' place. I took pictures of the house for memories before starting to pack, but even then I was sad at the minor changes that have occurred over the past 11 months without him. I was sad at the ones that happened during his cancer, but at least he was still here.

So, we were thinking of buy this house. Packing up our former life... it is indescribable to people who don't get it. They don't realize all the little things I come across. All at once, it all crashes down.

Last August we were supposed to be having our wedding reception in the back yard. Instead, the empty house awaited my return from burying him across the world. One year later and it will be all gone.

It saddens me too, as I know I will be stepping backwards in luxury. Ok so it's just some 80s house with a weird leak in the ductwork when it storms, but it's the nicest place I've ever lived in. It was a family home. We had a real yard. Room for More that can now never be. Where there once was some joy and excitement in moving onwards and upwards, to offset the ugly practicalities of it... there is now none. I looked. They all suck. I know I will hate the dirty walls of whatever hole I move into. I know there will be no room for growing happiness, just faded hopes and dreams packed into a sardine can... and it'll be like this for Years until I get my act together, figure out who I am, if ever.

Packing up sucks. It's just another smack on the head by the grief monster.

Dragging large mattresses and bed frames around also sucks. I already have a bad back and it was hard enough sliding these things Down the stairs. I looked into selling them, but it was another reminder of how alone I am. Number one tip seems to be don't let strangers from Craigslist into your basement, and don't meet them alone.

Selling multiple beds/bedroom furniture from guest room that will never be occupied because I have no friends. In decent condition. Meet me at the Starbucks. I'll be in the Southwest corner with the double beds, red shirt.