Easter

So I had Easter with the family. P really should have been there. It's so wrong without him. My cousin had his woman there, they looked really happy together. I could tell they had the sort of inside jokes going that me and P had. I'm happy for him because he's older now and probably would have made a good dad, but things never worked out. It still made me sad though. Nobody asked how I was except my aunt. I love her for it.

I've been thinking a lot the past few days, I think I really should move. It scares the hell out of me, but really my life in this city is shattered and I don't know anybody here. I might as well move back near the few people I do know. I keep going there anyway to go hiking. Thinking about it is one thing, it took me so many months before I could even entertain the idea. Actually moving is another. What if it's a terrible idea? I have a million doubts. Sometimes his room smells like him for no reason, the new one won't. The place will probably be crappier and If I leave I can never come back. I feel like I left that life already though, even though I'm still here. I'm not even me. I have no idea how I'll feel about it in August when I'd have to move, I'm so all over the place. Hate this.

I'm still feeling this spring high. I got my hair cut today and I always feel so great after that. It was nice out too. I hope I don't make a bad decision about moving just because I'm in this mood to be out and about and running around now.