Chickening out

Last night I had a dream. I was in this group of people from my past, and everyone was assigned a character and we had to go down this weird cave practicing tasks. I was assigned to be a fairy. I even got a wand with a little star made of aluminum foil. I was SO pissed off about this. Everyone else had swords and got to be rogues and archers and I was supposed to practice my prancing and eventually twirling this stupid wand. Even in my dreams I'm forced to be an outcast doing something I hate. I was trying to rebel and learn how to slash and fly. Because of this I slept in until 5pm. It seemed better than waking up and dealing with the day and the sun.

I signed up for some Meetup groups a few weeks ago. Great. Now I'm one of those people that has to seek out adult playdates to fill their life, instead of enjoying doing anything or nothing with P. There's no way I will ever attend an event for singles, so I signed upfor some hiking groups. I found myself getting mad when they were all filled up by braggers showing off their beautiful husband and kids. Seriously! I want to tell them to enjoy their family alone and leave these planned activities for the lone wolves. I'm so bitter now. It sucks.

I finally got into one and almost went to my first hike but chickened out at 3am last night when my brown bottles reminded me there was no way I was waking up in 5 hours to put on my human mask and play nice.