Wasting time

Sometimes I go overboard on the online time wasting and escape for a few days. A vacation... to my couch. Then I just sit and watch tv like a blob. For hours.

I saw the therapist on Tuesday, which is something I never look forward to because it forces me to think about all this crud. Plus, there's no escape from having to pass through the doctor's waiting room full of people with mystery infections. My hands shrivel like a prune from all the sanitizer, and my face is always ruined and stinging afterwards from trying to suppress tears and failing.

She asked what I do all day and sometimes I have no idea. I wonder if I should write it down, but I know hours can pass in an instant and they are full of nothingness. Maybe I make a tea, eat a banana, "check email" for 3 hours, scoop some litter, wander around Walmart, suddenly it's dark and I get to just sit and eat and watch tv... exciting stuff.

One thing I am doing lately is filling my head with knowledge. I get super into something, then I'm totally bored with it a few days or weeks later. I'm really trying hard to just go to the library when I feel like that, otherwise I'll research something and decide I NEED to buy a bunch of stuff, but later on realize I didn't want it as much as I thought. (Usually this occurs around the time when my credit card bill appears in the mailbox.) I still get the retail therapy high but instead I bring home some musty books to flip through and forget about for a few weeks. I hate that I'm going to the library again instead of doing stuff with P. I hate that this is progress for me, since the first few months I really didn't give a crap about anything and all my old interests crumbled.