Things I hate

A lot of things still really bug me. I don't mean like idiots and self centred a-holes. I mean new things since he got sick, and especially after he died. Things like:

- weddings
- babies
- happy couples
- unhappy couples
- couples doing anything together, like buying a house or whatever we were planning on doing
- sex scenes
- anyone or anything that annoyingly assumes everyone's life is exactly the same and will follow the same path (What do you mean you won't be a married house-mommy living in suburbia by the time you turn 30?)
- cancer and related topics like chemo/radiation, hair loss, or even survivors that are 'strong' or 'fighters' (As if P didn't fight hard enough or something.)
- even worse is specifically melanoma or any brain problems
- blindness
- seizures
- comas
- crusty orange tanned idiots
- bimbos/mimbos skimming the surface of life with no real cares or worries
- gluten free stuff or food allergies
- meds
- walkers
- pretty much anything health-related or hospital settings
- people that lived to be old (or just past their 30s)
- stuff from the 80s and 90s that reminds me of him, because I constantly imagine what he was like as a younger person before we met
- a billion things that he liked, his hobbies, our inside jokes, and stuff that used to make me happy and want to share with him (cucumbers, buttons, ice cream, oh my...)

All this is seriously unavoidable in real life. Even in fake life it always pops up. Usually I'll be watching a tv show and sense it coming. I talk to P out loud and say something like, "don't be cancer" or, "don't you dare propose to her/him". Of course it always is one of those two things. Then I have to whine to the air. "Seriously?! Are you f-ing serious?"

Some of it I can deal with now, but f*%& all that health stuff and happy oblivious couples. I miss being part of a happy couple. Cancer took both our lives, but I'm still suffering. Without a second thought, I would do absolutely Anything to have him back.